508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
