So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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