there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
