Even water is tasting like jack daniels
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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