That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This is classic penis vs brain.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
