shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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