just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
