The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
