rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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