i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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