I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
