tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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