Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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