I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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