Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
