I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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