I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
