We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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