I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
