hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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