I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
