yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
