Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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