Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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