# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
