First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
