yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
