he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
