JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
