Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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