I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
