Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
