No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My ass is underappreciated
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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