At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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