That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
