I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
