we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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