Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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