my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
