Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
