He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
