I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
