i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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