What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
