I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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