I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
