My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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