Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
two words: eviction party
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
