Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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