I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
