You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
